Authorial fears and apple-cinnamon muffins

I’m bound and determined to get back into the habit of blogging… but I’ve collided with the fact that other people actually read this nonsense. It’s one thing to babble about recipes and books with the people who love you even when you are gesticulating wildly at happy hour. It’s another thing entirely when you realize that acquaintances, or friends of friends, or random people who have absolutely no connection with you and have no real reason to like you are reading the piffle… thinking about that too much will shut up the most inveterate of motor-mouths.

On the other hand, that motor-mouth is my motor-mouth. And allowing all of the bugbears that haunt me (fear of being judged foolish or flighty, too feminist or not feminist enough, too girly or not girly enough, self-centered, ineloquent, boring, whiny, freaking crazy,  just plain dumb, *insert whatever fears plague you*) to shut me up, even in this so-small arena, seems much worse than any criticism that my midnight-brain can invent.

So. Because my motor-mouth is still feeling a little bit shy, here’s what I love about today: I took the day off. I know, it’s a Thursday. I had five (count ’em, FIVE) classes today. It was not the intelligent thing to do. But it was the necessary thing, and I refuse to beat myself up over it. Instead, I’m enjoying it.  Some days the weekend is just too far away to patiently wait (or you are working every day of the weekend, and it just doesn’t seem all that relaxing anyway.) So after sleeping way past my 6:00 a.m. alarm, I made coffee and apple-cinnamon muffins, and have been sitting in my armchair for the past several hours, reworking a paper for another conference.  My fireplace DVD is playing on the TV, a crackling-fire candle is burning on the table, the dog is snoring and the cat is purring. It really is the most wonderful day.

Hope yours is just as good, and if you can’t take as much time for yourself as I’ve stolen today, that you can take at least a bit. Happy Thursday!

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