The boyfriend left today. Long distance relationships suck. We do the best we can, we rack up tons of miles (and spend tons of money) as we fly to our respective homes, we IM constantly, we talk daily, but yeah, it still kind of sucks. I’m trying very hard to be a grownup about the situation but my cool/calm/collected veneer (never very strong) is kind of crackly around the edges at the moment. I didn’t actually cry on his shoulder this time, which is an improvement. (Last time I stood in the living room and wept. Two days before he flew out. Just because I knew it was coming. Not my finest hour.) You’d think this would get easier. Honestly, the only thing I want to do is sit in the floor and wail.
Ideal Me is mature and realistic about the many excellent reasons for our temporary separation; Ideal Me is happy about the many times I’ve seen him this year; Ideal Me is looking forward to our upcoming trip to Japan; Ideal Me is so very glad to have a boyfriend that I’m so very crazy about. And although I fully plan to begin implementing Ideal Me’s many exemplary characteristics tomorrow, for the moment, Real Me is pouring another drink and sniffling…just for tonight.
On the other hand, the end of this long distance crapola is indeed in sight… two more years of law school for him, eighteen months left in this degree for me. And someday, I truly believe, the experience of missing him so dreadfully will make me less inclined to turn into Mt. Vesuvius over minor things. At least, this is what I tell myself. You know, silver linings and all that. Until then, I’m listening to sad songs while I mope (just for tonight) around the house.